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12 dead in Laura's aftermath

Sat, 08/29/2020 - 11:05am

DAVID JACOBS, The Center Square

Editor's note: Since this story was filed, authorities have confirmed two more carbon monoxide fatalities, a couple in their 80s in Allen Parish.

Louisiana residents on Friday began the long cleanup and recovery process after Hurricane Laura – the most powerful storm to hit the state in modern history – left a trail of destruction along the western half of the state.

Neal Guidry worked for a major retailer’s storm response team when Hurricane Rita hit Louisiana in 2005, taking a very similar path into southwest Louisiana as Laura. Today, he works for a national tax preparation chain, and as he looked over the damage to his office in Lake Charles, he said the devastation to the city far exceeds what he saw 15 years ago.

“This is unbelievable,” he said. “I’ve been through a lot of storms.”

Lake Charles, a city of about 78,000 people in southwest Louisiana, is the largest population center that was directly in Laura’s path. The city on Friday lacked electricity and drinkable water, and as Guidry gestured toward thick utility poles that lay across two lanes of a four-lane city street, resembling trees that had been chopped down just above the roots, he guessed that restoring power would take three to four weeks.

"Our water plants took a beating. Our capacity is a fraction of what it should be. There is barely a trickle of water coming out of most faucets in the homes of Lake Charles," Lake Charles Mayor Nic Hunter wrote in a social media post. "Basically, if you come back to Lake Charles to stay, make sure you understand the above reality and are prepared to live in it for many days, probably weeks. 'Look and Leave' truly is the best option for many."

Almost 200 miles to the north in Ruston, a northwestern Louisiana city that rarely if ever experiences hurricane-force winds, the damage was nowhere near as severe. But 60 percent of the city’s homes and businesses still were without power Friday afternoon, Mayor Ronny Walker said.

Gov. John Bel Edwards on Friday requested the federal government declare a major disaster for 23 Louisiana parishes. If approved, the declaration would allow for federal monetary aid to residents and communities.

More than 500,000 state residents remained without power Friday, and 82 water systems serving more than 200,000 people also were down, Edwards’ office said. More than 6,200 National Guard members had been activated for the response, Edwards, said, adding a “rolling series of evacuations” of nursing homes and hospitals was ongoing.

Edwards said Laura, with sustained winds of about 150 miles per hour, was the strongest storm to hit Louisiana at least since the 1850s. He said storm surge, which is when a storm pushes sea water higher than normal, reached 15 feet, but not the 20 feet that was feared, in part because the storm shifted slightly to the east so the strongest winds never reached the Calcasieu Ship Channel.

“We didn’t have inundation 30 miles inland as they had predicted,” Edwards said. “That didn’t mean we didn’t have tremendous devastation.”

Southwest Louisiana also happens to be the region of the state with the highest positivity rate for COVID-19. State officials have sheltered more than 3,000 evacuees in hotel rooms to avoid putting people in mass shelters where the coronavirus can easily spread. COVID-19 testing was shut down this week, though Edwards said testing will resume Monday.

Russell Benoit, pastor of The Lord’s Outreach Worship Center in Lake Charles, sheltered 40 people at the center as the storm passed overnight late Wednesday and early Thursday. He said everyone was doing fine until the roof started to peel off about 1 a.m.

On Friday morning, Benoit said he had “three or four vans” to bring his group, which includes members of his church and people who stay at one of the two homeless shelters he runs in the city, to find hotel rooms in Baton Rouge or New Orleans.

“They’re stressed out,” he said. “We’re fixing to go east, and we don’t know where we’re going.”

Lifelong Lake Charles resident Thomas Young had just returned home Friday after evacuating to New Orleans in time to find steady rain leaking through his now-porous roof. He said he still needed to check on the home of his son, who was in Houston.

“It’s going to take a while,” he said when asked how long it would take before life returned to normal.

As of 5 p.m. Friday, Edwards’ office had confirmed 10 storm-related deaths, though higher totals were being reported. Four deaths were caused by trees falling on homes, five people died from carbon monoxide poisoning caused by a generator running inside their home, and one man drowned in his boat, Edwards said.

President Donald Trump said he plans to tour Hurricane Laura damage in Louisiana and Texas this weekend.

16 new COVID cases, one death in three local parishes

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 12:20pm

Eight new COVID-19 cases each in St. Mary and St. Martin and one St. Martin death were reported in the 24 hours ending at midday Friday by the Louisiana Office of Public Health.

Assumption Parish's total was adjusted downward by one to 653. The death toll there remains 22.

St. Mary Parish's eight new cases raise the total since the pandemic began to 1,754. Sixty-eight St. Mary people have died from COVID-related causes.

Eight new St. Martin cases raised the total to 1,930. The newly reported death was the parish's 56th.

Statewide:

--627 new cases bring the pandemic total since 146,243.

--30 new deaths make the toll 4,741.

--24 more COVID-positive patients are in hospitals for a total of 900.

--4 fewer people are on ventilators, bringing the total down to 141.

Note to readers: Friday's Daily Review will be delayed

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 11:47am

The Friday edition of The Daily Review will be delivered late because of an extended power outage at our printing plant in Eunice as a result of Hurricane Laura.
At our publication deadline Friday, the prospects for restoring power there were uncertain, so we don't yet know how late it will be.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
In the meantime, our e-edition will go out at the regular time, and we invite you to follow our updates at StMaryNow.com and our Facebook page.

TERRY PAUL WIGGINS

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 11:16am

December 6, 1942 — August 26, 2020
Terry Paul Wiggins, 77, a resident of Bayou Vista, passed away peacefully Wednesday, August 26, 2020, at his home, surrounded by his loving family.
Terry was born on December 6, 1942, in Morgan City, the son of Harry Paul Wiggins and Annie Marie Vallet Wiggins.
Terry served his country proudly in the United States Navy from 1960 to 1963. He gained a love for flying at an early age and was a licensed pilot who always enjoyed his flight time. Woodworking was a passion of Terry’s and he built a little business called “Off His Rocker” where he made anything out of wood, from knick knacks to rocking furniture. Terry was a tug boat captain and owner and operator of Basin Towing Inc.; he could always be found navigating the Louisiana waterways aboard the Miss Paula with his co-captain, Captain Tommy. When Terry wasn’t working, he enjoyed traveling and tinkering in his shed, or getting in the car to go on a sightseeing adventure. Terry and his family have been parishioners of St. Bernadette Catholic Church since its beginning.
He will be sadly missed and lovingly remembered by his wife of 56 years, Agatha Vicknair Wiggins of Bayou Vista; four children, Paula Ann Wiggins Oliver of Hollywood, Florida, Terri Lynn Wiggins Moore and husband John of Huffman, Texas, Becky Marie Wiggins of Morgan City, and Thomas “Tommy” Paul Wiggins and wife Julie Kullman of Berwick; four grandchildren, Tyler Paul Moore of Houston, Texas, Andrea “Andee” Michelle Moore of Huffman, Texas, and Trevor Paul Wiggins and Nicholas James Wiggins, both of Berwick; and one great-grandson, Cohen Michael Moore. Terry is also survived by two brothers, Harry Lee Wiggins and wife Ruth of Patterson and Farryl Wiggins and wife Renee’ of Bayou Vista; one sister, Sandra Messenger of Gonzales; and one brother-in-law, Warren Cothron of Bayou Vista.
Terry was preceded in death by his father and mother, Harry Paul and Annie Vallet Wiggins; father-in-law and mother-in-law, Edmond and Elise Vicknair; one sister, Cynthia Wiggins Cothron; one sister-in-law, Elise “Darlene” Weaver; and brothers-in-law, Leonard “LJ” Vicknair, Edmond Vicknair Jr. and John Messenger
A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated at 1 p.m. on Saturday, August 29, 2020, at St. Bernadette Catholic Church with Father Thainese Alphonse celebrating Mass. A visitation will be held from 11 a.m. until Mass time in the church. Following Mass, mausoleum entombment with Military Honors will be in the Morgan City Cemetery. Military honors will be rendered by the United States Navy and the East St. Mary Veterans Funeral Squad.
Due to the current restrictions with limited gatherings, current guidelines will only allow for 250 people in attendance at the funeral Mass, while still practicing social distancing. Masks will be required upon entering St. Bernadette Church.

Police: Two arrested after traffic stop; one tried to flee

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 11:13am

Staff Report
Two Morgan City men, one of whom tried to drive away from police, were arrested Monday on drug charges, Police Chief James F. Blair said.
—Corwin Anthony Smith, 38, Dora Street, Morgan City, was arrested at 12:12 p.m. Monday on charges of improper lane usage, turn movements and signals required, aggravated flight from an officer, resisting arrest or officer, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana (first offense), possession of synthetic marijuana (first offense), and illegal use of a controlled dangerous substance in the presence of a person under 17.
—Robert John Skipper, 39, Dora Street, Morgan City, was arrested at 12:12 p.m. Monday on charges of possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, possession with intent to distribute marijuana, possession with intent to distribute synthetic marijuana, possession of Adderall, possession of drug paraphernalia, illegal carrying of a weapon and illegal use of a controlled dangerous substance in the presence of a person under 17.
Morgan City narcotics detectives conducted a traffic stop in the area of La. 70 and Victor II Boulevard for a traffic violation.
The driver was identified as Smith and one of the passengers as Skipper.
During the traffic stop, Skipper was found in possession of a concealed firearm on his person.
The driver, Smith, then fled the scene, leading officers on a vehicle pursuit to Egle Street. Smith exited the vehicle and fled on foot.
Officers were able to apprehend Smith and placed him in handcuffs. During a search of the vehicle, detectives located illegal narcotics and drug paraphernalia.
A computer check revealed Skipper was a convicted felon. Smith and Skipper were placed under arrest and transported to the Morgan City Police Department for booking and incarceration.
St. Mary Parish Sheriff Blaise Smith reported this arrest:
—Laquindin D. Randle, 33, St. Charles Bypass Roa, Thibodaux, was arrested at 9:39 p.m. Monday on charges of possession of marijuana, possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine, possession with intent to distribute crack cocaine, possession of drug paraphernalia and transcactions involving drug proceeds.
Randle was released on a $1,500 bond.
Assumption Parish Sheriff Leland Falcon reported these arrests:
—Alvin Alexander Martin, 37, La. 308, Paincourtville, was arrested Sunday on a felony probation violation warrant.
A K-9 unit on assignment near Pierre Part observed a vehicle commit a traffic violation and executed a stop of the vehicle. The deputy made contact with the driver and there were two passengers, one of whom was Martin.
The deputy conducted an inquiry with the communications division concerning outstanding warrants and that process revealed an outstanding probation warrant on Martin relative to a prior conviction for manslaughter.
Martin was arrested and booked into the Assumption Parish Detention Center without bond.
— Danny Joseph LeBlanc, 30, La. 70, South, Pierre Part, was arrested Monday morning on charges of speeding 90 mph in a 55 mph zone, illegal window tint, felony public intimidation, threatening a public official, driving on a roadway laned for traffic, two counts of disregarding a stop sign, reckless operation of a motor vehicle and felony aggravated flight.
A uniformed patrol officer was patrolling the La.70 West area when he observed a vehicle commit multiple traffic violations.
The deputy attempted a stop of the eastbound vehicle, which made a turn onto a gravel road and then attempted to flee from the deputy, thus committing numerous additional violations.
The deputy was able to maintain contact with the suspect vehicle and was able to arrest the driver west of Paincourtville.
LeBlanc was arrested and booked into the Assumption Parish Detention Center pending a bond hearing.

Morgan City police radio logs for Aug. 24-25

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 10:57am

The following are the radio dispatch logs from the Morgan City Police Department. To report unlawful or suspicious activity, call the police department at 985-380-4605.
Monday, Aug. 24
5:37 a.m. 1600 block of Glenmont Street; Vehicle burglary.
6:26 a.m. 1000 block of Brashear Avenue; Alarm.
8:19 a.m. 7300 block of La. 182; Vehicle burglary.
8:28 a.m. 900 block of Walnut Drive; Criminal trespassing.
9:03 a.m. 200 block of Aucoin Street; Theft of utilities.
9:30 a.m. 2100 block of Federal Avenue ; Complaint.
10:12 a.m. 300 block of Lawrence Street; Complaint.
11:31 a.m. Fifth Street; Complaint.
11:51 a.m. 500 block of Bowman Street; Remove subject.
1:57 p.m. 6400 block of La. 182; Remove subject.
1:59 p.m. 1200 block of Victor II Boulevard; Theft.
2:25 p.m. 3200 block of Karen Drive; Vehicle burglary.
2:55 p.m. 900 block of Seventh Street; Accident.
4:22 p.m. 1200 block of Clothilde Street; Alarm.
4:31 p.m. 300 block of Brashear Avenue; Telephone harassment.
5:09 p.m. 900 block of Garden Street; Remove subject.
5:28 p.m. 900 block of Chestnut Drive; Complaint.
5:36 p.m. 1300 block of Chestnut Drive; Complaint.
6:05 p.m. 1400 block of Railroad Avenue; Medical.
7:20 p.m. Poncio Street and Railroad Avenue; Medical.
7:44 p.m. 1000 block of Shaw Street; Disturbance.
7:46 p.m. 1000 block of Brashear Avenue; Juvenile problem.
8:10 p.m. 700 block of Fourth Street; Removal of subject.
8:28 p.m. Roderick Street; Criminal damage to property.
9:07 p.m. 800 block of Fig Street; Complaint.
9:18 p.m. 1000 block of Sycamore; Disturbance.
9:18 p.m. 700 block of Maryland Street; Disturbance.
9:24 p.m. 200 block of Belanger Street; Disturbance.
10:27 p.m. 400 block of Fourth Street; Suspicious subject.
10:56 p.m. 300 block of Wren Street; Removal of subject.
Tuesday, Aug. 25
1:20 a.m. 7500 block of La. 182; Suspicious subject.
3:04 a.m. 600 block of Onstead Street; Alarm.
3:51 a.m. 600 block of Egle Street; Juvenile problem.

Danos completes coastal restoration work

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 10:54am

Danos recently completed a project requiring the installation reef structure into the marsh of Golden Meadow.
Planning for the project began in late February, and the installation in Catfish Lake was completed by a Danos construction crew at the end of July.
“Louisiana’s coast is vital to our local communities, as well as our industry,” owner Paul Danos said in a news release.
“We are excited to be a part of this innovative initiative to prevent erosion and strengthen our wetlands.”
The infrastructure was designed and fabricated through 3D printing technology by partner Natrx.
Danos installed 45 modules, ranging in weight from 350 to 700 pounds, to provide maximum protection to Louisiana’s marsh land.
In the fall, oyster spats will be seeded into the barriers, allowing an expected 1 million pounds of oysters, vegetation and sediment to accrue over the next three years.
In addition to this latest project, Danos is working to restore Louisiana’s coast through participation in Partnership for Our Working Coast, an alliance of industry and environmental partners led by The Water Institute of the Gulf.
Other partnership members include Chevron, Shell and the Greater Lafourche Port Commission.
The partnership is working toward protecting vital infrastructure in Port Fourchon through nature-based solutions.

Jeremy Alford: Election planning brings secretary of state to tears

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 10:51am

JEREMY ALFORD

“Madam chairwoman and members, I don’t think any of you would want to be sitting where I am.”
That’s how Secretary of State Kyle Ardoin kicked off his closing statement last week during an emergency election plan meeting of the Senate and Governmental Affairs Committee.
The plan, politically controversial in every conceivable way, was approved the day prior by the House and Governmental Affairs Committee.
A few minutes later Ardoin was suddenly in tears, softly sobbing through reflections on his childhood years, the once-upon-a-time nonpartisan nature of the Legislature and the amount of hate mail sent to him by those on both the left and the right due to his office’s proposed plan.
Ardoin paused occasionally to accept a tissue, blow his nose or collect himself.
“The toll this has all taken has been tremendous,” Ardoin said before one such pause. “I’m not shedding tears for me. I shed them for my state.”
The Senate committee ultimately advanced the plan, which curtails the earlier COVID-19 election guidelines for absentee and early voting.
Democrats and Gov. John Bel Edwards want to expand those offerings, while Ardoin and most Republicans want to return to pre-coronavirus levels.
The plan needs approval next from both chambers of the Legislature and the governor, who has already announced his intentions to reject the proposal.
That means the emergency election plan will likely be decided by a federal judge in a courtroom drama, which is fitting considering the still-smoldering path this issue has cut through the Legislature’s governmental affairs committees.
During the Senate committee meeting last week, Sen. Jimmy Harris, D-New Orleans, said his staff was stretched to its limit and the volume of his office’s usual correspondence has tripled. Senate and Governmental Affairs Chairwoman Sharon Hewitt, R-Slidell, echoed that report and said her office received emails from voters well outside of her district.
Rep. Barry Ivey of Central, the only Republican to vote against the emergency election plan in the House committee last week, showed up for the Senate committee meeting the next day to testify as a member of the public.
His testimony was just as revealing as Ardoin’s closing statement.
“It is embarrassing a lot of the time to be a part of this process,” Ivey told senators.
“Politics are a distraction. I have no time for them. I don’t know how much longer I will be able to stomach this job. Because I have better things to do… You all know it’s a sacrifice to be here. It’s a sacrifice. I’m not of retirement age. I haven’t achieved independent wealthiness. I’ve been in extreme poverty as a legislator.”
Ivey’s comments brought to mind the record 19 special legislative elections that were held last term as lawmakers grew weary of the Capitol’s process and politics. There were 15 such special elections in the House and two in the Senate. Lawmakers who exited the Capitol as a result offered sobering words about the toxic environment brewing inside the rails of both chambers.
So far this term there has already been one special election, due to a death in the House, and as many as three more may be required based on this fall’s election results.
(Rep. Stephen Dwight, R-Lake Charles, is running for district attorney; Rep. Lance Harris, R-Alexandria, is a candidate for Congress; and Rep. Joe Marino, I-Gretna, wants to be a local judge in Jefferson Parish.)
Yet before we can find out who wins and loses on the fall ballots, our elected leaders need to agree on a plan of operations for the elections — a task that carries with it just as much uncertainty.
The governor will cast his vote against the plan as proposed by Ardoin, but still the Legislature charges ahead with its deliberations.
Will the courts step in before Ardoin offers a second draft?
Will there be another round of legislative hearings?
Right now there are more unanswered questions than solutions. With this week’s political focus being on the weather in the Gulf of Mexico and the Republican National Convention, it has been easy to lose focus on this issue. But the turmoil and tears that were generated by the hearings last week won’t soon be forgotten.
If nothing else, the emergency election plan has served a good warmup for the House and Senate governmental affairs committees, which will face an equally daunting task next year with the 2021 redistricting session. Let’s just hope that process goes better than the ongoing deliberations about how voters will be allowed to perform their democratic duties this fall.
For more Louisiana political news, visit www.LaPolitics.comor follow Alford on Twitter @LaPoliticsNow.

765 still without power in St. Mary

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 10:19am

Cleco crews continue a massive restoration effort after Hurricane Laura swept across the company’s service territory yesterday causing extensive damage and widespread outages to nearly 140,000 customers.

“We appreciate our customers’ patience as we continue to work through the damage left behind by Hurricane Laura,” said James Lass, director of distribution operations and emergency management. “Cleco has been out assessing damage and crews are working on power restoration. We have over 2,000 personnel dedicated to this effort, as well as all of the necessary equipment and materials to get the lights back on.”
Cleco crews worked late into the night and early this morning on restoration efforts and have restored power to nearly 40,000 of the affected customers.
Power outages as of 8 a.m.:
Acadia – 2,800
Allen – 5,900
Avoyelles – 5,500
Beauregard – 5,100
Calcasieu – 2,500
Catahoula - 18
Desoto – 1,600
Evangeline – 6,800
Grant – 7,400
Iberia – 3,500
Jefferson Davis - 39
Lasalle - 15
Natchitoches - 640
Rapides – 41,000
Sabine – 6,300
St. Landry – 3,400
St. Martin - 620
St. Mary - 765
Vernon – 5,700

“When the power goes out, some customers rely on a generator for temporary power,” said Lass. “Generators, when used correctly, can provide backup power to a customer’s home or business, but we remind our customers to be safe.”
--Never run a generator indoors.
--Thoroughly read and follow the manufacturer’s instructions for the proper use of a portable generator.
--Operate the generator in a well-ventilated area.
--Plug appliances directly into portable generators with grounded extension cords that can handle the load.
--Don’t plug a generator cord directly into a wall outlet. A generator can back feed electricity through a home’s electric wiring to the entire Cleco circuit. This can damage a generator and in some instances cause injury or even death to a worker attempting to repair that circuit.
--Don’t exceed the rated capacity of a generator.
--Only refuel a generator when the engine is off and cool.

For more safety tips, as well as up-to-the-minute outage information and estimated restoration times, visit Cleco’s Storm Center website at outage.cleco.com or follow the company on Facebook at @ClecoPower.

Young man debates merits of keeping his virginity

Fri, 08/28/2020 - 9:03am

By Jeanne Phillips, ©United Features Syndicate

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Due to the closures affecting The Daily Review during threats from Tropical Storm Marco and Hurricane Laura, it was decided to provide the Dear Abby columns that would have been missed by readers.)

Aug. 26
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 28-year-old male who is still a virgin. I always wanted to be intimate with a virgin female for my first time, but I have never met one. I’ve had opportunities for sex but refrained because she wasn’t a virgin. The older I have gotten, the harder it has become to achieve my dream of being someone’s first and sharing this wonderful experience together. I doubt there are any virgin females my age left.
I know I have missed out on an important aspect of life that so many others have had. Should I start dating younger women, or let go of my fairy-tale first-time fantasy and have sex with just anybody, knowing I’ll regret it? Or should I hold out longer and wait for another virgin to come into my life?
FAIRY-TALE DREAM

DEAR FAIRY-TALE DREAM: Consider pushing the pause button on your fantasy until the pandemic is under control, and do nothing that you know you’ll regret. Before going forward, figure out why sex with another virgin is so important to you.
Once you have the answer to that, consider what you have to offer a girl like the one you fantasize about. Many virgins are saving themselves for marriage.
If you are willing to wait until marriage to fulfill your fantasy, you may find what you’re looking for. (Or not.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 55 and recently started dating “Paul,” a 54-year-old man. His 26-year-old daughter, “Andrea,” lives with him. My problem is, she invites herself along on our weekend getaways, small trips, etc. He tells me he knows it’s a problem. Andrea is a college graduate working for her dad’s company, but she has no outside interests, no social skills and she’s afraid to talk to people one-on-one. She also doesn’t care about her appearance.
Paul doesn’t know what to do. His daughter doesn’t want to live with her mom, and he’s trying to get her acclimated to being her own person and independent. I suggested a life coach. He knows he enables her to a certain extent.
Other than this issue, our relationship is wonderful.
Please help.
THREE’S A CROWD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR THREE’S A CROWD: It should be obvious that Paul’s attempts to help his daughter not only haven’t worked, but may have contributed to her problem. She needs professional help for her severe social anxiety. Start with her physician. Her doctor or insurance company can refer her to someone qualified.
Her father should insist upon this, rather than continue to enable her.

DEAR ABBY: I was cheated on by my ex-husband. Since our divorce, I am interested only in married men. I have been to therapy, but I can’t seem to shake it. I hit on married men because I don’t believe all men are faithful. Is this unhealthy, and what can I do about it?
NOT RIGHT IN THE NORTH

DEAR NOT RIGHT: What you’re doing is definitely unhealthy! You didn’t mention how long ago your divorce happened, but hitting on married men may be your way of ensuring that you won’t become so deeply involved your heart is broken again.
Perhaps you will be less inclined to continue these liaisons if, before starting another one, you take a moment to consider their effect on the wives and children involved.
P.S. And since your first therapist was unable to help you, contact another one.

Aug. 27
DEAR ABBY: My fiancé and I have begun planning our wedding for next year. We have both been married before, so family doesn’t think we should have a “big” celebration. Mom actually told me that it can’t be as special as my first one.
While lying in bed the other night, we were discussing how to address people’s opinions because we don’t want our wedding day to be full of people complaining about being there, choices we made regarding our celebration and thinking they need to give us a gift. We would like to include a “disclaimer” saying something like, “If you’re not truly happy for us, stay home!” I realize that etiquette would not allow us to do it. Do you have any suggestions for our situation?
OUR “BIG DAY”

DEAR “BIG DAY”: Many couples today have been married more than once. Your mother was correct when she told you this second wedding should be more low-key than the first. Rest assured that no one will attend your wedding who doesn’t want to be there because attendance is not compulsory.
I’m glad you recognize that the “disclaimer” would be inappropriate. If you prefer your guests forgo giving you a gift, convey that by having someone else deliver it VERBALLY — such as your mother or members of your wedding party — when guests call to ask where you are registered. The wording should be: “They only want you to share in their happiness on this special day. No gift is expected or required.”

DEAR ABBY: I have been married more than 40 years. We are now retired and moved to a small town a few years ago. My problem is my husband does almost nothing to help out around the house. I do the housekeeping, shopping, cooking, bill paying and most of the extensive outdoor upkeep.
Although I was the primary breadwinner during our marriage, my husband thinks his “work” is now over.
He watches TV all day long, but when he does want to get out and do something, it must always include me. I’m sick of his face at this point. I’m sure I’m short-tempered at times because everything falls on my shoulders. When I ask him to do something or offer my “two cents,” he accuses me of nagging and won’t talk to me for days.
I hate this life! I don’t think he would go to a marriage counselor because he feels I’m the problem. I think I want a divorce, but I don’t want this lazy bum to get half of everything I’ve earned and saved. Help!
IRKED IN IDAHO

DEAR IRKED: You have my sympathy, but you created this “monster” by tolerating your husband’s laziness and controlling nature all these years. Because he won’t talk to a marriage counselor doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t. It’s important you learn coping skills to deal with his passive aggression, which is what the silent treatment is. If a licensed therapist can’t help to relieve the pressure on you, then make an appointment with a lawyer to discuss what options you may have short of divorce.
I’m crossing my fingers that you have some.

Aug. 28
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are trying to have children. He was raised Catholic, but is now agnostic. I’m also agnostic.
My deeply religious father-in-law insists that our future children be baptized Catholic. I’m against it because I think it should be a person’s right to choose which faith, if any, to follow when they are ready. I also think it would be hypocritical to go through a baptismal ceremony, with godparents and vows to raise our child a certain way when we have no intention of doing it.
My husband thinks it would be best to baptize our future children to “keep the peace,” because his father will never forgive us if we don’t. I think it’s our children, our lives, our ethics. Which of us is right?
OUT IN THE OPEN

DEAR OUT: You are, but I don’t envy what’s ahead for you. If you knuckle under to your father-in-law, it won’t stop. You will be expected to follow through with a Catholic upbringing — first communion, Catholic schools, church attendance “for the children” and everything that comes with it.
You and your husband should bite the bullet, be upfront with his dad before you become pregnant and make plain how you plan to raise your children. If you aren’t, raising them in a way you don’t want could put a strain on your marriage. This should be your and your husband’s decision to make and no one else’s, and I don’t recommend deviating from it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for four years, and all this time we have lived in separate houses. Now my husband is finally moving in with me. While I’m excited and it’s going to be a significant financial benefit for both of us, I’m experiencing mixed emotions and a lot of anxiety about it. He’s an awesome man who treats me great. This is a second marriage for both of us. Any advice would be appreciated.
MAKING THE LEAP IN FLORIDA

DEAR MAKING: Under the circumstances, your feelings are normal. This will be a big change for both of you. This is why it’s important to talk about your feelings and expectations in advance, which might ease your stress. Being able to communicate honestly with each other is extremely important and will serve you well in the future. With this move you are opening up a new chapter in your lives, and I wish you many years of happiness together.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, when my wife and I were 35 years old, she agreed to be on a team with me and compete in some “adventure races.” It was great fun. We had team T-shirts, trained together and were excited about our results. It brought us closer and created a real sense of camaraderie, adventure and mutual support into our marriage.
During one race a bull broke into the race grounds and chased us. Shortly thereafter, my wife quit the team and, sadly, many of the ancillary benefits declined as well. She will no longer be on a team with me. What should I do?
BENCHED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BENCHED: Because this is an activity you enjoy, you should keep going. Because your wife has chosen to retire from adventure racing, you should recruit another partner or find some other activity you both could enjoy together. (And that’s no bull.)
***
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.