Jim Bradshaw: Atomic bomb safety tips left something to be desired

In August 1950, when our GIs were heading for Korea and everybody’s nerves were on edge, the federal Atomic Energy Commission thought it was a good time to remind us just what to do if an atomic bomb should come whistling down.
The advice was a little bit contradictory, as government advice tends to be sometime. One passage in the AEC booklet, “The Effects of Atomic Weapons,” advises that the main idea was “to get something between you and the explosion.” But elsewhere it warns, “Don’t make for cover if it takes more than a step or two.”
It was also a bit far-fetched.
It advises, for example, that the best thing to do when a bomb comes down is to “fall flat and double up,” which works best if you’re wearing white clothing that helps block all of that radiation and stuff. The advice doesn’t seem to have set off a rush to the department stores for white wardrobes.
Also, you needed to be a little picky about just where to fall and curl, “You have to worry about getting trapped in debris in the path of a fire,” the AEC warned. It suggested that on days that you think might be The Day, it’s best to stay away from fuel lines, gasoline storage tanks, and things like that. (And, of course, wear your loose, white clothes and never get farther than a step or two from a good falling and curling place.)
“The government hopes to give a warning,” the AEC said, but also said you shouldn’t count on it.
Way down toward the end of the booklet the AEC also admits that none of the advice applies if you are within a half mile of where the bomb hits, and “the farther away you are, the better your chances.”
Oh, really?
A year later, in 1951, the government put out more specific advice about what to do when you see The Bomb heading toward you:
1. Try to Get Shielded – If you can’t get to a shelter, jump into a handy ditch or gutter.
2. Drop Flat on Ground or Floor – This is “to keep from being tossed about and to lessen the chances of being struck by falling and flying objects.”
3. Bury Your Face in Your Arms – And remember to hide your eyes in the crook of your elbow so that the atomic flash doesn’t blind you.
4. Don’t Rush Outside – The proper thing to do is to “wait a few minutes … to give any lingering radiation time to die down … then go out and help fight fires.”
5. Don’t Take Chances with Food or Water – Stick to canned and bottled things.
6. Don’t Start Rumors – Remember, “in the confusion that follows a bombing, a single rumor might touch off a panic.”
I seem to remember some of these rules posted in the classroom at Immaculate Conception School, where we were taught that when the siren on the fire house went off, we were to get under our desks, cover our eyes, and pray like the Pope himself.
I understood covering the eyes. I’d heard about the atomic flash. I understood about praying. But I never did understand how that flimsy, already wobbly desk top was going to stop an atomic bomb from doing me really serious harm.
A collection of Jim Bradshaw’s columns, "Cajuns and Other Characters,"is now available from Pelican Publishing. You can contact him at jimbradshaw4321@gmail.com or P.O. Box 1121, Washington LA 70589.