Jeremy Alford: Recording the wit and wisdom of La. lawmakers

No one in Louisiana scored more political touchdowns this year by simply saying stuff in clever and obscene ways than U.S. Sen. John Kennedy.

The junior senator led the way in 2022 when it came to countrified quips, folksy one-liners and comical diatribes.

Critics called him “Foghorn Leghorn” and claimed it was just an act. But voters loved it — to the tune of 62 percent against a field of 12. (After shattering most re-election fundraising records, that was Kennedy’s margin of victory this fall.)

Over the past 29 years, few politicos have appeared more in “They Said It,” a weekly collection of catchy quotes I’m now tasked with writing for LaPolitics Weekly, a trade publication for elected officials and political professionals.

Kennedy offered a reminder of why on election night last month.

"God is great, dogs are good and the people of Louisiana are star-spangled awesome,” he said, adding, “This win has taken my breath away."

Prior to winning, Kennedy spent considerable time complaining about his colleagues.

"I don't hate anybody,” Kennedy said. “I start out the morning wanting to follow Jesus, but by 10 a.m., I just wanna slap somebody. It’s just another day in the life of working with our nation’s dopiest and most dim-witted."

Kennedy told us this year his elected counterparts in Washington are “managerial elites” who are “so crooked they could swallow a nail and spit up a corkscrew.”

In June, he even revealed on Fox that he knew something about the market price for cocaine in Louisiana.

”In my state,” Kennedy said, “the price of gas is so high that it would be cheaper to buy cocaine and just run everywhere.”

In October, Kennedy likewise launched a statewide television commercial where he warned voters, "If you hate cops because they’re cops, call a crackhead.”

Kennedy, however, didn’t dominate headlines the entire year. In Capitoland, the decennial task of redistricting captured a large swath of 2022.

Due to a new U.S. Census count, lawmakers were given the opportunity to redraw election lines, including their own.

“It’s the ultimate exercise in herding cats, but it’s the only time all of the cats care,” said Senate President Page Cortez of Lafayette, during the first of two special sessions for redistricting.

Elected officials across the state found their districts rearranged as lawsuits stacked up in the courts for challenges that are still in play today.

“It's like you threw a land mine into my district and blew it up,” said state Rep. Kenny Cox of Natchitoches.

The legislative year was a tough one for some lawmakers who left it all on their respective floors.

"I'm not a lawyer. I didn't spend the night at a Holiday Inn,” said House Health Chairman Larry Bagley of Stonewall, after being asked questions for which he didn’t have answers. “I'm doing the best that I can."

Still, members of the House and Senate endeavored to tackle the newest issues in technology, while managing to sound like the same old Legislature.

"Is coding now the term used for the typewriter class we used to take?” asked Rep. Robby Carter of Amite during debate over a bill that would have added computer coding as a foreign language course for high schoolers.

Rep. Blake Miguez of New Iberia also had questions about the bill from Rep. Lance Harris of Alexandria: "I know Rep. (Mike) Huval can speak French. Can you speak some computer code for us?”
“0102210,” responded Harris. “That means sit down and don't ask no more questions.”

Lawmakers also learned there were limits to their own powers. That was the case when a bill seeking term limits for sheriffs was defeated. "We’re an ant when it comes to the importance of a sheriff,” said Rep. Mike Johnson of Pineville.

What challenges the regular session did present were quickly alleviated by an unprecedented amount of federal money and surplus dollars.

Senate Health Chairman Fred Mills of Parks observed, "So many have called me asking, ‘Did I get my money?’ Right now I feel like Santa Claus, but I don’t have enough presents for everybody."

Looking toward the next regular session in 2023, Rep. Richard Nelson of Mandeville has said his proposal to reconfigure the income tax structure is “for all the marbles.”
Ways and Means Chairman Stuart Bishop called it the “elephant in the room."

That kind of talk is giving the executive branch heartburn, especially as the current term enters its final year and lawmakers approach re-election.

"You’re going to have a lot of posturing going on,” Commissioner of Administration Jay Dardenne said during a recent Board of Regents meeting. “We don’t think the Legislature ought to take any dramatic steps in regard to tax reform.”

Attention has also turned to the next race for governor, for which Attorney General Jeff Landry remains the only major declared candidate. Kennedy, of course, will make his own announcement soon on the contest. As for who Gov. John Bel Edwards will eventually back, he told WAFB-TV, ”You can bet it won’t be Jeff Landry.”

Kennedy, for his part, is keeping a focus on national politics and — predictably — saying more stuff that his supporters love.

“I used to have a beagle named Roger, and Roger was a rascal,” Kennedy said on Fox News earlier this month.

“About every two weeks Roger would run off. He’d always come back. About half the time he’d come back dragging roadkill that he’d hide under my back porch. President Biden’s energy policy looks like something Roger would keep under my back porch.”

For more Louisiana political news, visit www. LaPolitics.com or follow Alford on Twitter @ LaPoliticsNow