Life's circumstances keep soul mates apart

DEAR ABBY: My soul mate, “Ted,” is
marrying another woman. When we
met 10 years ago, we fell madly in love.
We had absolutely everything in common
but couldn’t take our relationship
to the next level because we were both
married at the time.
Ted’s wife eventually left him for
another man, but we still couldn’t be
together as I was still married.
During that time, he met a woman
named “Shelley.” I eventually got divorced
because my husband left me
for another woman, but I still couldn’t
be with Ted because he was now with
Shelley.
We are perfect for each other in every
way, but our paths could never come together.
Ted has admitted they have
nothing in common and he’s not in love
with her, but he feels he has an obligation
since she has been there for so
long. I’m devastated at the thought of
losing my soul mate again. I don’t want
him to marry her.
Help!
SUCH BAD TIMING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TIMING: I am going to assume
that Ted knows you are devastated
at the thought of his marrying
someone else. If you haven’t
told him, do it now. And when you
do, point out that marriages entered
into out of a feeling of “obligation”
rather than love don’t usually
last. It’s a sad truth. If he was
being honest with you about his
feelings for Shelley, she deserves
better than what she’ll be getting.
Keep in mind that Ted has had time
to end that romance since your divorce.
My advice is to take a break.
Clear your head before trying to
find someone who is as available as
you are, since Ted is taken.

DEAR ABBY: My dad used to beat
my mother badly. Back then, it was
“don’t tell.” Well, I guess she got tired of
it because she had him shot. I was 15 at
the time. My brother and sister were 8
and 6, and they don’t remember it well.
But they were in my care until they
were in their 20s.
Now they are older, and I am treated
like the black sheep. They act like I’m
beneath them, and it hurts. My brother
ended up in prison and was out for only
two months before he put his hands on
me.
Am I petty for having nothing to do
with them? My mom was in prison for a
long time and died two years after she
was released.
What am I supposed to do? Any advice
would be appreciated.
DRIFTING IN THE EAST

DEAR DRIFTING: Abusers have
sometimes been victims themselves,
or they grew up witnessing
abuse, which is why they think it is
normal behavior.
Please accept that you can’t fix
what’s wrong with your relatives
(the younger ones included). Although
you have been through
much trauma at an early age, it is
within your power to heal.
Counseling can help you to do
that. It is available in most communities
through the Department of
Mental Health.

DEAR ABBY: I find the phrase, “Shut
up!” to be hostile, aggressive and, at
times, demoralizing.
Are there any situations where it is
OK to say it?
POLITE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR POLITE: Although the
phrase “Shut up!” may be jarring
to hear, it has become part of the
vernacular and its meaning has
changed over the years. It isn’t
always intended to mean “be quiet.”
It is sometimes used lightheartedly
to express surprise.
***
To order “How to Write Letters for All Occasions,”
send your name and mailing address,
plus check or money order for $8 to: Dear Abby
— Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris,
IL 61054-0447.