Dear Abby
Son’s wife prefers the company of her phone during visits
DEAR ABBY: When my son got married in 2003, we had many good times with him and his wife. Things have changed now that we have cellphones. It’s nearly impossible to have a relationship with her because when they come to our home, she’s always on her phone! My son talks to his dad, and I’m left sitting there wondering what I should do.
Would you say anything to your daughter-in-law about this? She immediately gets on the phone when she arrives and stays on it most of the time. It wasn’t like this when cellphones weren’t as pro-lific. It hurts my feelings that she comes all the way to my house only to socialize with her Facebook friends and not us, because we rarely see them.
Should I speak up? I don’t want to start trouble and I don’t want to isolate them. I love them, but I think it’s rude that she’s on her phone the whole time they’re here. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for her to talk to me. I have two other daughters-in-law who may get on their phones occa-sionally, but not like this one.
OFF THE PHONE IN KENTUCKY
DEAR OFF: Of course what your daughter-in-law is doing is rude. It is also insensitive. It won’t stop unless you and your husband say something. When you do, do not couch your mes-sage in terms of being “rude.” Instead, tell her it hurts your feelings and gives you the impres-sion that she doesn’t value your company as much as you do hers. It also impedes high-quality visiting. If you express it this way, it may make her less defensive, because it is the truth.
DEAR ABBY: My fiancé and I have been together for many years. I have never really liked his moth-er — for valid reasons. She belittles and is disrespectful to her son. The last straw was when she came by two months ago and made a derogatory comment about him to me. (He was not present.) It was false, and I called her out on it. She, of course, had no rebuttal. She is negative even in her personal life and often lies.
I talked to my fiancé about this, and he does address the issues with her, but not in a way that makes her understand she must either respect him or risk no longer having a relationship with him. She uses others, is two-faced and rarely bathes. I am considering breaking off our engagement at this point. I’m tired of this woman’s lack of respect. Should I walk away from this relationship?
DISGUSTED AND APPALLED IN THE EAST
DEAR DISGUSTED: If your tolerance level has reached its limit, you may have to walk away. However, I do not think you should give your fiancé an ultimatum in which he must decide be-tween you and his mother. As obnoxious and odiferous as she is, she is still his mother. I do think you should suggest that he talk with a licensed psychotherapist about his relationship with her. If it is as unhealthy as you have described, he might then, on his own, decide to dis-tance himself from her.
***
Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: “Abby’s Favorite Recipes” and “More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $16 to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447.